Review: S05Ep02 - Kody Begs For An Answer

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Last week, we learned  that despite Robyn's really bad credit, her visit to the Harry the credit repair guy was successful and all the Kodettes qualified for financing of their McMansions.

This week, we get to see Kody and his Kodettes finalizing their McMansion floorplans, meeting their bonus children's teachers, attend Logan's high school graduation, and finally, Kody's ultimate ultimatum to his "lover", Meri.

But I just have a couple of things to get off my chest.

Kody before the home videos

First - why was the continuity so screwed up in this episode? In the first 5 minutes, Kody goes from a Hamill Wedge (1970's chic at its best) directly to Kody's old surfer dude with ugly stringy hair. It boggles my mind that production didn't catch this not so subtle change in Kody's appearance.

Second - It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out how stupid it is to intentionally leave late for a venue when you apparently have no idea where you're going. Four guesses which of the Kodettes was more than fashionably late to Logan's graduation ceremony.





Kody after the home videos

Since this episode sort of showcases the teenage Bonus children, it begins with old videos of Kody and his baby krew. Okay, I'll admit it was cute, and how darling was it when Aspyn (?) took her pacifier out of her mouth to kiss her daddy, then quickly put it back into her mouth when done. And the picture of the kiddies in a tub was so precious. Seeing this kind of drove home just how much the Brown family has changed for the worse since the move to Vegas. Gone are the close sibling relationships the children enjoyed in Lehi. And no matter how Kody tries to justify living in 4 separate houses in Las Vegas, you realize even in a cul-de-sac, the children will never have that closeness they enjoyed in the Lehi big house.

Back to the present, we find the Brown Parental Units preparing to meet their teen's teachers. As Kody frets about his appearance, he decides to wear an out of season jacket because he is determined not to be out-dressed by mere teachers. Earth to Kody: You may be wearing a jacket, but I bet the teachers have BETTER HAIR!!!

Soon the BPU's are seated in one of their many vehicles, on the road to their parent-teacher conference. Of course in the kouch interview, Kody has to make it all about him (Hey, I'm a polygamist and you're not). When he asks "How many times does a polygamist family come into your school and all the mothers of the children actually go in?" You just want to scream at him - I don't know - it depends on how many cameras are there filming you walking around like some kind of rock star. Let's be real, would Kody still go to a parent-teacher conference if there were no cameras? Something tells me...Hell no!

The Browns are a unique breed...even Christine feels that they are probably the only polygamist family these teachers would ever meet. Well, being that Robyn's mid-wife said she had plural wives that attended her birthing classes, you might be wrong about that, Christine.

As the Kody and the Kodettes walk through the building, something is wrong. Where are the people? The campus was empty. And it didn't help to hear Meri's monotone voice recite "...whenever I go into a public thing like this with all of us, I still am a little bit hesitant." Hell yeah, especially when it looks like zombies are lurking in the cafeteria, ready to EAT YOUR BRAINS! Now if you follow twitter you  know that the reason the school was totally empty was because the principal at Centennial High School had ixnay the Browns from filming on campus. The school scenes were actually filmed at another school - the Las Vegas Day School to be exact.

So much for reality. I still want the zombies...

You are probably thinking the Browns will meet with ALL of their teenager's teachers. Well, that wasn't the case. Only four of the teachers were present. So rather than bore you with a blow by blow, in depth version like was on the show, in honor of high school dayz, you are going to get the Jinx' Cliff Notes version.

First teacher up was Ms Hess, who is Mariah's (Amarilla) and Maddie's (Zorro) Spanish teacher. It's funny how Meri mentioned in her talking head that she thought Ms. Hess didn't know where to look. From what I saw, the teacher focused her attention on the person who was talking. That's how people carry out conversion in polite society. And poor Christine looked like she had never been in a classroom before, let alone a Spanish class. !Ay Caramba!

Next was Coach Alia, Aspyn's PE coach. OOPSY...seems Aspyn has been ditching PE class (so THAT'S how she can go to Disneyland all the time). Christine doesn't understand what the big deal is - Aspyn always makes up her work (snort, like how do you make up a PE class?). Now Meri doesn't like Christine's ummm...lack of parental guidance because Mariah sees Aspyn ditching and now she wants to ditch too. But Meri understands the value of education, and let's Mariah know SHE IS NOT CHRISTINE! Well, she got that right....

And Kody just looks befuddled, as usual.

Dr. Guido is the next; he's the study skills teacher for Hunter and Madison. All the teens love Dr. Guido, who says  the Brown teens are respectful, and Logan maybe has said one or two words total for the whole year. Janelle let's Dr Guido know that Logan has picked up a few more words since the move to Vegas - curse words. Or as Christine puts it, he has excellent F-bomb dropping skills. Logan explains it this way: "This issue of what language I use is not a big deal in Vegas. Everyone swears. Everyone curses. I just happened to pick it up really easy." I have a feeling Logan is going to get along just find in the real world. To make Dr Guido feel a little better, Janelle tells him "You're like a rock star at our house."

The final teacher is Mrs. Reuel, who has Mykelti in her the Family Consumer Science class. I believe we use to call it Home Ec back in the day. Mrs. Reuel is Mykelti's favorite teacher. By the way, Mykelti wants to be a world famous fashion designer some day. Here's hoping Robyn hires her to design clothes for MSWC.

While Kody and his Kody-pendents pat each other on the back for a good parent-teacher conference (even though it was totally fake), Janelle mentions how it was kind of nerve racking for her to meet her children's teachers. Of course Robyn, the only mother present without a teen in high school chirps "I'd like to be a fly on the wall when they go home at night and talk to their wife or husband, though." Let's hope when Robyn metamorphosizes into a fly on a teacher's wall, that Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" is playing on the stereo while the teacher takes a shoe and ...well, you get the picture.

Oh dear, Mona just emailed Meri. Seems Meri will have to go with the 5th bedroom after all, if she wants the hobby room and the pantry. Just like Candy Spelling, Meri not only needs a wet bar, she has got to have a hobby room. And why does she pronounce it like hubby?

Look Meri, when Kody moves wife #10 into your house, guess who's gonna be sleeping in that hubby room? Yep, the 10th wife!

Of course we have to endure the umpteenth couch sessions where Kody and his wives rehash why Meri does or does not deserve a big house. I'm so glad this krew refrained from discussing this in front of the builders. Look, it's a cul-de-sac people, and the HOA has it standards! All houses must be at least 4200 square feet. No two bedroom 1100 sq ft. homes need apply. Meri loves to entertain, though I wonder exactly who she will be entertaining. At least Kody can be assured her guests will have room to roam around and admire her wet bar.

By the way, was it just me or did the builders have this tickled pink, thank god we just sold 4 houses at $450K each to these suckers, look on their faces?

It's now Logan's graduation day. Let me just say Kody is a fool, and Robyn is no Rocket Scientist.

Robyn, in her infinite wisdom, decided to leave late for Logan's graduation. That's right, on purpose she left late. She says it was because she thought the ceremony was going to last for 4 hours and she didn't want Super Sol to get super testy. Yeah, right. Anyway, she explains that she frantically drove around the UNLV campus, looking for the "auditorium". She couldn't find it, and the students she asked apparently didn't know what she was talking about. Could it be that the Thomas & Mack Center is a sports arena and not an auditorium?  How much you want to bet she went up to those students and asked "Where's the auditorium?"

Where's Waldo Kody?

While Robyn was frantically looking (split infinitive I know) for the biggest building on campus, Kody was fretting that his woman wife was MIA. I kind of wonder if he was really concerned for Robyn or was he concerned for baby Sol? How about Kody being concerned about making a spectacle of himself by rushing out of the Center to find the love of his life Robyn in a sea of cars in the parking lot. What a fool. He leaves Janelle and risks missing his first born son getting his diploma to find Robyn? What a complete fool he is. Did I mention Kody was a fool?

Somehow Kody comes to his senses and returns to his seat. As tears stream down Janelle's face, does Kody tenderly touch her hand, or give her a little kiss and say "You did good bringing our son into this world". Nope. He just sat there, looking preoccupied. Acting like nobody was paying enough attention to HIM.

Robyn contemplating her error in judgment

We learned that Robyn showed up 15 minutes after Logan got his diploma. We can only hope that she has learned her lesson about leaving late, and will make it on time for her own children's graduation.

We are now at the point of the show where Kody begs Meri for an answer - Is she or is she not going to try to get pregnant.

I'll make this short. Watching Kody badger that poor woman was obscene. Kody was acting as if he was some big bad sales motivator - like Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross. I expected him to pull out a pair of brass balls while reciting the ABC's of making a sale (Always Be Closing for those of you who never saw the movie).

Kody you are no Alec Baldwin, that's for damn sure. Anyway, Kody let Meri know that he WILL have more children, so if she wants to add one of hers to the bunch, she better get on the ball. And she's got til the end of the year to make her decision. Which means, another cliffhanger, folks!