Review: S05Ep03 "More Sister Wives!"

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Isn't it amazing that, although this show is called Sister Wives it really revolves around Kody, the husband? Therefore it should come to no surprise that this episode is titled "More Sister Wives!" This  simply means the show will center on Kody meeting another polygamist, Joe Darger, who happens to bring his 3 wives along for the ride and lots of PDA.


The Dargers main claim to fame is that the HBO series Big Love was based on their family. Well, sort of based, being that Bill Henrickson wasn't married to twin sisters and their 'distant' cousin. And Bill did unknowingly marry an underage Margene Heffron, but that's for another discussion.

Anyway, the Dargers live in Utah, in a huge house that is home to 4 adults and 23 children. And get this, the sister wives only have one kitchen...imagine that! No abuses there!

Papa Joe (as he is affectionately known on SWB) is very, um...controlling. He looks stern, but has this sweet little voice, like Mike Tyson - only without the lisp. He was a business major in college, so between skillfully planning who sits in what seat in the rented plyg mobiles, and having public displays of affection with all three wives at one time, he can suddenly bark out orders just like that drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. The only difference is Papa Joe will tack on a "RIGHT NOW" at the end of his request instead of  "You miserable maggots!"  Papa Joe is kinda scary. His son (from a different father) describes him simply as "big, bald, and intimidating". Is it just me or isn't that kind of a weird way to describe your mother's spiritual husband? Did Joe try to bite somebody's ear off?

While the Dargers are on the road, Kody is busily driving his MLMobile from one sister wife's house to the other, trying to finalize those pesty building options important to each wife for their McMansions. Christine wants each of her 6 children to have their own room. She's going for the gusto - or as she says "going big or going home." I'm presuming the 'home' she's referring to is the one in Lehi.

Janelle, on the other hand, wants to save costs by only having 3 bedrooms upstairs for the children in her McMansion. An extra bedroom would only add "a lot of money" and her children do not need their own bedrooms. So if Hunter has his own room (inherited when Logan left for the dorm) and Gabe and Garrison both share a room that leaves Savanah to share with Maddie. And Maddie was so looking forward to having her own room, too. Kody is not impressed with Janelle's frugality, because he wants Logan to still have his own room when he visits. Call me silly, but it seems it hasn't occurred to Kody that Logan could pitch a tent in one of the extra unused bedrooms at Meri's McMansion.

Robyn explains to Kody she wants her 'hubby' room to be her office. In the couch interview, she lets her sisterwives know she also needs an extra bedroom because she plans on having more babies. I wonder why Meri had that slight smile on her face, like she knows a secret or something. Hmmm.... 

Finally, at Meri's house, Meri again states how important that damn wetbar is to her. She then trys to joke about adding a tennis court for Mariah. Earth to Meri - there's barely room in the backyard for a pool! But Kody knows Meri is just kidding...I think.

Leave it to the Kody and Meri to create a new word to describe their upcoming road trip with the Dargers. "It's a plyg vacation" says Kody. "It's a plyg-cation" corrects Meri. Only Janelle laughs. Robyn hides her face with her hands, while Christine looks like she has failed to see the humor. As the Browns wait for the Dargers to show up, Christine educates us that they have been friends with the Dargers for a long time, that they are not AUB, but are independent polygamists, and that there will be almost 50 people on this road trip. Meri seems more concerned that she will have almost 50 people for dinner in a few minutes. And Kody seems to have honed in on the fact Papa Joe has married  two sisters, and that Val, like Robyn, brought her children from her first marriage to the new marriage.

As the Dargers finally arrive and pile out of their vehicles, Christine remarked how good the wives look after being on the road all day. After dinner, Kody asked Joe if he had a preference of when he wanted to leave in the morning. Being the perfect guest, Joe replied "The pressure's on you guys...So don't tell me eight and then leave at ten because I'll be really irritated". Kody, shocked by Joe's response, simply replied "then we're telling you ten..." Big, bald and intimidating all right. It's ON!

Now that Papa Joe has thrown down his gauntlet, it's time for Kody to step up, or shut up. So Kody does what he does best - he poses. In typical poser style, Kody thinks by standing on top of a pile of luggage, looking all kool in shades, and yelling "We need to leave in an hour and 15 minutes...see any lawn chairs?" to the camera crew,  he can prove to Papa Joe he can lead his family to be all packed and ready to go by the 10:00 departure time.  Christine is not so optimistic. Forever standing by her man, she tried to explain away Kody's apparent lack of leadership skills by saying "...the Darger's are more organized than us...We are always in a state of chaos...I think that all of us go in with good faith, everytime we do anything with a plan. I just think there are 5 different plans."

Ouch!

As Kody continued to demonstrate how totally in over his head he was, Val remarks "I heard Kody raise his voice a little bit (nervous laugh). As long as they can get it in there and get on the road it's wonderful." Ouch, I don't think Kody's getting Val's vote of confidence anytime soon. And as the minutes drag on, it becomes apparent that even his number one wife, Meri, is in Joe's corner when she tells Janelle "I would get along with somebody who was like ..yeah...let's do this and let's do it on time...I could be married to that!" And Kody's number three wife joins in on the Papa Joe bandwagon when she says " I...don't consider Joe that much of a control person as everybody else does, just because I've watched him with his family. The way that he says 'Everybody get loaded now' and they all do it, I think its 'cause they just respect him fully. I think he just has a good communication style with them. "

Poor Kody must be really hurting now. One wife likes the leadership of Papa Joe, and another wife appreciates the respect Papa Joe's family shows him. Kody has got to be feeling pretty damn low right  because Papa Joe is schooling him on how to effectively lead a polygamist family. I can see on Kody's face he's thinking "Whose idea was it to bring this guy on MY show anyway?"

But Papa Joe apparently can feel Kody's pain because he says, with a sly grin on his face, "I'm glad I don't have to do separate houses. But I'm impressed they're on time...I really didn't expect it...trying to keep up with the Joneses or Dargers, I don't know..." OK, so it was kind of a backhanded compliment because Kody's family lives in separate houses and he's basically saying that even with an inept Kody in charge, they still were able to leave on time, at least he tried to say something positive...right?


Finally, the Browns and Dargers reach their destination in Oceanside. Now, this beachside condo is not cheap - The cost of the minimum 2 night stay is over $7500. A seven night stay is close to $21000. The Browns were definitely staying in some extremely nice diggs. So was it really necessary for Kody to trash talk about it? When Kody says his first impression was "How are we going to fit in that little postage stamp?" Little postage stamp? That condo had three stories, 9.5 bathrooms and enough beds and bedrooms to sleep 22 people! And Kody, maybe you could learn from your "good friend" Papa Joe. Next time, rent 2 plyg-vans and take ONE of your own vehicles for the luggage and just leave the 2 convertibles at home. That way you won't have to worry about where to park all your friggin' cars! It was kind of funny seeing how the Dargers were unloading their vehicles while the Browns were still trying to park theirs. Nice planning, Kody.


And once again, Papa Joe showed off his planning and organizational skills by making short work of assigning the Browns' party of 22 to their respective beds. Now which way is better, Kody's rock/paper/scissors method of assigning rooms or Papa Joe's getting online, pulling up the condo's floorplan, and assigning rooms accordingly - something I bet Papa Joe did days earlier for his own crew. Christine was definitely impressed (again)... "It was the fastest decision-making ever!" she exclaimed, while snapping her fingers for emphasis.


Once again, Kody is shown to be lacking in comparison to Papa Joe. And when Kody tries to take back control of his krew by suggesting they determine which kitchen they'll be using to cook in, Meri snapped back "Let's NOT start out with the kitchen. Let's start with the bedroom!" Kody was left looking at his sunglasses to tell him what to say next. On the couch, Kody tried to laugh it off. As he explains it, "...it seems like Joe does lead his family, and THEY [pointing at wives] lead mine." Earth to Kody: Somebody's got to take charge and lead your family. They'd starve if they had to wait for you to rock/paper/scissors a decision where to eat!


Next morning, Kody and Papa Joe take their combined crew of almost 50 people to the watersports shop. As Kody reaches out to shake the owner's hand, you can almost hear him say Hi, I'm Kody. I'm a polygamist. Here's my friend Joe. He's a polygamist, too. The owner was not impressed...well, maybe impressed by the sales revenue from such a large crowd, but not so much about it being Kody Brown. As  owner Josh puts it, " I've got a nine month old daughter and a female dog. That's all the girls I can handle. I'm already a chick magnet but I got a household full of chicks, I don't need any more." I think it's safe to say this guy is not a fundamentalist Mormon.

Amongst the woman folk frolicking on the beach, there seemed to be differing levels of modesty being displayed. Robyn wasn't afraid to flaunt her attributes on the beach. The Darger Wives kept themselves modestly covered, but it was noticeable what lean machines these women were.  In fact, Christine even mentioned how she felt intimidated by the Darger Wives exercise 'regime'.









And if that wasn't enough, the Dargers tend to have a lot of PDA - Public Displays of Affection.

As the Darger Wives explain it, they decided early in their marriages to allow Joe to kiss and hug them in front of each other. They wanted their relationships to be more 'natural' that way.

Say whut?

You've got a situation where a man is married to twin sisters and their cousin, and Joe is openly affectionate to each one in front of each other.
That's natural???? Geez Louise!!

Not to mention that Joe can only be affectionate to two women at one time! That's the way the human brain has been wired. You can only do two things at once, like adding a set of numbers, for instance. One woman will always be on the outside looking in. So it doesn't  really matter how the Darger Wives try to rationalize this situation, it's not fair and certainly a bit skeevy. Wife Val just doesn't understand how Kody is  affectionate with his wives only when it's her day. She says this while she's holding on (for dear life it seems) to Joe's left arm, while her twin Vicki is holding on to his right arm. Poor Alina is left to sit off to the side. And this is normal? No wonder the Darger Wives are referred as being like Stepford Wives. Four guesses who decided that PDA was okay, and the first three guesses don't count.

All Kody says is that in theory (meaning the Darger's world) it may work, but in his family, it doesn't.
Translation: Meri would NEVER in a million years allow it to happen. NEVER! But on the positive side, since Kody has 4 wives, the outsider two wives can have each other for company...hmmmm.....
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At the dinner for adults only (plus Solomon),  it's obvious that Joe Darger believes in his wives and children living in one home with one kitchen. Kody, on the other hand, came to Vegas looking for a 15000 sq ft home with 4 kitchens and 25 bedrooms owned by a rich person who had it listed as a short sale for pennies on the dollar. Kody is clearly suffering from delusional thinking at this point. Even Papa Joe has a hard time keeping a straight face. When one of the Darger Wives suggested maybe they should go back to sharing a home with one kitchen, of course Kody said no way. It would be abusive for his wives to share their 'domain' with another wife Kody says. Not to mention a step backwards from Kody's wealth plan.
The dinner illustrates the differences between the Dargers and the Browns. The Dargers are generations deep in living polygamy. It is really the only life they know, and I think they truly believe in their faith. Joe understands that his marriages are not only for this lifetime, but for eternity. They strive for perfection. They want their children to live together as brother and sisters, not like cousins. They may not always be happy but they apparently do try to work through the rough spots. They clearly are family oriented with set goals in life. Most important, Joe has a J.O.B. and the respect of his wives and children.

Kody on the other hand has not lived very long in a polygamous setting. He didn't grow up having multiple mothers. The only person who would have the same depth of generations with the Dargers is Christine...the wife Kody barely can stand. This lack of experience explains why Kody's family seems so chaotic when compared to the Dargers. Kody may talk a good game, but it's all talk. He doesn't have a clue how to manage a large family, and doesn't care to learn. Where Joe is preparing for eternity, Kody doesn't even prepare for the present. Kody is into being the center of attention, of being a showman, of having more wives than he can handle and more children than he can afford. Kody doesn't want a house, he wants a mansion. If Kody can't get a mansion, he'll settle for four McMansions. It simply isn't about faith with Kody. It's about wealth and seeing how many material items, wives, children and cars he can collect along the way.

And Kody, getting four  McMansions costing almost two MILLION dollars does not mean you're planning for the future. Like Papa Joe said earlier, sometimes you got to learn how to walk before you can run.